So every year, for my brother Michael’s birthday, I always try to do something that reminds me of him or something that will distract from his loss. This year I decided to go skydiving for his birthday. In our family, for your 18th birthday, you get to choose something special, one big gift, and for his, he choose skydiving. I remember watching the video and thinking how exciting it looked, but also knowing that I would be way too scared. October 27th, 2015 was Michael’s 28th birthday I wanted to do something special, something that would make me feel closer to him. It’s been 5 years since he left this earth and I decided to fly a little higher, overcome my fears, and join him in the skydiving experienceI planned the whole thing for a few days before his birthday, since I had midterms at school on his birthday and knew I couldn’t miss them. I was super excited to finally be doing it and couldn’t stop thinking about it. Probably just as well I did it before my midterms . The morning of the 25th I woke up thinking that I couldn’t believe today was the day that I was finally jumping out of a plane. Something I have always dreamed of doing but could never muster up the guts to actually do. On the drive to the north shore I was super quiet, not panicking just quiet. When we got there, we had to fill in all these forms and sign our names multiple times………..now I was really start freak out! Once all the paperwork was done it seemed ages before it was our turn. We were just sitting there with nothing to do and my brain was racing. I hadn’t actually told anyone I was going skydiving, what if something bad happened? My fear of skydiving always involved something bad happening. Finally they start calling names, one by one, and of course wouldn’t you know I was the last one to be called … I couldn’t stop panicking. I was so nervous that my whole body was shaking, made it a little awkward to get all harness up. Finally everyone was ready and they start taking pictures and videos of us. Just great I look like a dear in headlights ha ha ha. We walk across the airfield towards the airplane and I can’t stop talking to the man who will be partnered with me for the skydive. I’m having an attack of verbal diarrhea, nervous verbal diarrhea, and asking question after question, no breath in between, and just genuinely freaking out. He was very patient and kept telling me he’d had people more nervous than me, so I quickly let him know how wrong he was . I also explained that I didn’t want to be the first person to jump or the last one either! Everyone starts boarding and of course we get on last – I swear he did that on purpose. I tried to sweat talk him into changing places with someone, but he wasn’t going for it. Damn! The higher we went the worse I felt. I thought I was having a panic attack, I couldn’t breath, my whole body was shaking, and I had a death grip on a rope attached to the plane. On the plus side to my position, was that fact that I could easily access the plane door and, even though I dreaded the idea, I was able to open it to video the view and see a full rainbow going up. I do remember talk of turning back due to clouds with mixed feelings, relief to be going back and angst at the thought of having to go through this again. Miraculously the clouds disappeared and we were able to continue The next thing I know someone is asking me if I am ready……… Ready, are you kidding…….No, no, no and oh hell no, I want off this ride now! My partner calmly explains that we are already up here so we might as well just jump, and anyway there’s no way he was going back down on the plane. He really wasn’t giving me much a choice and besides, the camera man, Skittles, had climbed out the window in preparation of videoing my jump or should I say push. Totally distracted by Skittles hanging out the window, all it took was a little shove and the next thing I know we were just falling. At first I had no idea what was going on and couldn’t see much for the few seconds after flipping out the plane. Once we got straightened out, I was told to put my arms out and, although I was still in shock, I started to enjoy myself. Skittles kept coming over to us and swinging us around with the camera. They were just messing around, but I was really nervous of doing something wrong and causing us to crash. Skittles was the only camera person in our group to get the full rainbow in the footage, and, on an even better note, I was in the full rainbow!!! Yes, it was a once in a life time opportunity to fall through the center of a full rainbow! Initially as we fell all my skin felt tight and wasn’t moving, but by the end of the free falling my skin was everywhere. My mouth was like in the movies where their cheeks go flying out, even though I was trying to squeeze my mouth shut. I kept feeling like my saliva was all over my face. When it was finally time to pull the parachute I was scared it wouldn’t open, but it did . I felt a slight jerk as it opened, which was super painful by the way, mainly because my harness was too tight and cutting into my legs. My partner tried to prop me up a little to relieve the pressure, but it didn’t really help . Next thing I know he starts spinning us, and that was super fun don’t get me wrong, but the whole time he was spinning us I wanted to cry because of how painful it was on my thighs. Then he had me pull the strings to make us spin. Again this was totally awesome but super painful. Landing is either on your butt or a running landing depending on the instructor. I was really hopping for the running landing, and yes that’s exactly what I got. He managed to make it to the ground standing, probably knew there was no way my body would bend to a seated position in that too tight harness Once we came to a stop I was just so excited to get out of that harness! It literally fell off me . It’s my fault it was tight, I told him to make it super tight. I thought it would make me feel safer, bypass my irrational fear of slipping right out of it, but it seemed to get tighter after we jumped. Skittles told me to keep the harness on, that’s when he realizes that I couldn’t get it back on and so then he told the man instructing me that he had it on really tight hahaha. And yes my hair was beyond crazy and I had no idea. I was sad when I got to the ground though, I really wanted to go again, even though I would probably still freak out. When I was skydiving my thoughts were of my brother and how much I miss him. I felt so close to him, doing something he did and enjoyed so much. I would have to say I would definitely do it again. I did this for you Mike! I miss you and love u <3 Happy Birthday
1 Comment
11/28/2016 07:45:56 pm
Hi Victoria, I really like the lay out of your site and the content you have. This skydiving post is my favorite the picture of the circular rainbow is amazing. Would you ever do it again?
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